That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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