I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
