so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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