So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
