would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
