ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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