Do vagina's smell?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love you. Go after that dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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