All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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