So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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