did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
