I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize