Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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