my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
