im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone signed my nipple.
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