Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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