Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
