My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
