carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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