I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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