Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
