So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
