I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
