had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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