You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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