when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
