I wish I could punch you in the face.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
