I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
