when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
