I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
