batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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