Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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