so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
