every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
