i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't notice because vodka
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
