just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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