It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
