his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
