She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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