I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
