trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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