Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
