Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize