he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
