Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
