can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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