It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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