wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
