Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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