You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
