He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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