Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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