He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
