He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
