meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
