I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
