Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I understand Curling. That high.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
