I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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