I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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