haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
