I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
