I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
