So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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