I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
