Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
