found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
