I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
