So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
